Please scroll down the page for this month's Tip From Tantra. Thank you.
It's Not What We Say, But What Participants Say That Counts
Women
"It released my creative energy…my book is ready for the publisher...Ms. T, Writer 41
"I got a whole new love and appreciation for men. I got the experience of being appreciated as a woman. Before, I saw them only as wanting me for sex and having to protect myself from them. I realized I could be myself--be sensual--and I could share it or not. " CEO , 36
"I grew up in a harsh, religious environment, where sex was considered bad. This affected me for 30 years, especially in my marriage where I had very little sex. I am separated now and exploring my sexuality very happily, with no guilt—I can’t believe how happy I am!” LA , Ms. MC Broker 50
"I wanted to give a perspective from someone who did your course a long time ago. Well, it was a revelation when I started having really deep powerful orgasms before the course even ended. This was a real difference from the previous 20 years when my orgasms were weak and hit-and -miss. My whole body was orgasming, my heart, my yoni, everything. It was pretty amazing.
I wish I found out about this when I was younger because I regret those 20 years of not being sexually satisfied. When my hormones tanked at menopause, I noticed the intensity of my orgasms went down, but to compensate I just do a few minutes of my program now and then and it keeps me orgasming at peak capacity." GK, 55
"Thank you for creating such a safe space to do this sensitive work." Ms. B, Psychotherapist
“I like the safety. I learned to practice healthy boundaries.” from course evaluation form Ms. J. R. 25, Editor
"It was an awesome weekend even for a conservative girl like me. I can't believe how much love, sincerity and joy flowed through the group...and right into my heart. I wish all of you a wonderful, wonderful week." Message to her group, from DD Teacher, 27
"Thank you for creating such a safe space." Ms. B, Psychotherapist
"I gained connection with my own natural joy in being physical." Ms. T. Author, Healer
“ Thank you for a deeply rich, sensual and moving workshop on sexuality. [It]...helped me...to see my sexuality in a refreshing, innocent, and powerful way. ”
letter from Ms. A.V. 37, Teacher
“Where have all these men come from? It’s been 10 years since I had a date! Since the workshops I’ve been approached on the street, even in the grocery store ... “ ZJ, 35 Masters Student
“...because of my up-bringing I felt shame and guilt about looking and acting sensual... it helped me express my inner sensuality and I love it! TC, 35.
I discovered [subtle] energy in the communion circle. A feeling of complete freedom, like "I" disappeared." Ms. O. H. 28, Office Manager, Film Company
“ I often couldn’t climax, or I'd be getting aroused but then my excitement would just “disappear”. For years I thought this was just how my body was. I didn’t know I could change it... I’m thrilled to say I'm having powerful orgasms.. ”
from a conversation Ms. M.B. 27, Waste Reduction.
“ I experienced a ‘heart connection’ to parts of my body I disowned ...” from course evaluation form Ms. S.S, High School Teacher, 45
"I learned that sexiness is natural, within...I can let go of insecurity and self doubt. " Mrs. M. 32, Lawyer.
Men
"I got my confidence back. For a man, confidence in his sexuality is everything. It makes his life, his career success, his relationships work." VP, Marketing, 36
"Women are really noticing my new confidence. A gorgeous friend who never paid much attention to me before suddenly wants to go to bed with me. I love what's happening. " Project Manager, 29
" Generally, I'm just happier. It's unbelievable. Things just flow. Before, I'd be scared to ask girls to dance. Now I'm dancing non-stop with them... Before, I worried, what am I going to say, and now I take a moment to see what's in my heart and it comes out automatically." Mr. DT Importer, Manufacturing 29
"… We had a glimpse into each others souls. It was a powerful feeling to…see layer upon layer of emotion unfolding in front of you… " Mr. MR IT specialist
"If you want to experience moving energy, this is the real deal." Mr. R. Gen. Motors
“ ... after the breath exercise I felt waves of intense pleasure all over my body. It lasted a long time. I went into feelings of bliss.” from a phone call Mr. J. D. 44, Entrepreneur
"Ecstatic breathing and visualizing! I don't think they can be lauded and praised more loudly. It is simply an out-of-body and connecting miracle technique..."
Mr. D. 35, Advertising.
"What stood out was the exercise of worshipping [my wife]. It opened me up to take everything and to offer my wife my total love." Mr. T.S. 33, Drummer
'The men's circle was insightful and powerful. A recognition of allies on a similar quest." Mr. D. L. Director, Film Festival
[With regards to inability to get an erection] “..I am surprised how these exercises have changed me…Actually, I am very impressed with the fabulous results.”
from a letter letter from Mr. G.B. 32, Tool and Die Maker, Brazil
"I'm really satisfied with my progress. It's not something I'd say easily. I don't feel an uncontrolable urge to come anymore. It's a transformation. I lasted 45 minutes in intercourse. (I used to come in three thrusts after penetration.) I feel great now. I feel I have beaten this thing. " from phone conversation with Mr. E. M. 45, Banker.
“Lucy knows the Tantra philosophy and lives it with ease and naturalness.” from an email to workshop organizers Mr. M. D. 50, Shamanic Counselor
"I learned that pleasure is good --and way more fun than struggle."
Mr. S. Manager, Provincial Utility
“ ...the techniques I learned helped me to be the lover my lover wants me to be.” from a conversation Mr. G.R., 51 , Sales Manager
"I learned how incredibly deeply I cared for my partner...I was unable to express [it] before..." Mr. B. 40, Programmer.
A Tip From Tantra
Why Is She Always Complaining ?!
Why Is She Never Satisfied ??
How To Get Her To Stop Complaining
How To Keep Her Happy--What Really Works With Women
Nothing you say is ever good enough. You try to please her but she's never satisfied. She criticizes you. She complains. She demands, nags, worries. She is resentful, never "in the mood" anymore and…is way too busy to acknowledge your existence.
What happened to that sweet, sexy, appreciative, available woman you used to know?
If you have been following these Tips, you know about the biologically-based dynamic that operates in relationships: the fear-shame dynamic. Men are vulnerable to feelings of failure and shame. Women are vulnerable to fear of harm, isolation, loss of contact, and feeling deprived.
When a woman experiences (or is reminded of having experienced) fear of harm, isolation, or deprivation she will likely be critical, defensive, blaming or contemptuous.
When a man experiences (or is trying to avoid the experience of) failure- as a provider, protector, or lover-he is likely to withdraw, be critical, defensive, blaming, angry or contemptuous. Unfortunately, these responses may in turn stimulate anxiety in women, even if his anger or withdrawal has nothing to do with her.
What Works With Women
The best way to disarm the fear-shame dynamic is to recognize when it occurs. When women express vulnerability, it is often in the form of nagging, worries, complaints, demands, busyness; she is anxious about something.
Try to listen to the feelings underneath what she is saying rather than to the content.
Is she afraid ? If so, of what? Being isolated, losing connection? Being deprived?
2. Manage your own responses when she is upset.
Develop your ability to “be with” her emotional upset. Reduce the way you trigger her fears.
-Halt or temporarily set aside your reactions of failure or shame.
-Avoid defending your point of view.
It’s natural to feel defensive, but there is no need. When you defend your point of view it looks to her like you don’t care to understand how she is hurting.
-Let her know you understand her point of view; that you get it. You don’t have to agree with her point of view or her feelings. But she has to know you get it. Mirror, or reflect, her words back to her.
-Avoid getting angry.
-Don’t shut down your feelings.
-Don’t withdraw from her.
-Don’t’ try to fix her problem.
After she gets that you understand her feelings you can see if she is open to suggestions.
-Don’t try and control her.
3. Respond automatically to the vulnerability under the complaint. Make an emotional connection with her.
Women respond to stress by emotional bonding. To avoid their fear, women seek more closeness. When a woman feels close, she can relax: when she feels distance, she gets anxious. Emotional bonding is a woman’s primary source of comfort, and often it is in the form of talking.
Note: Be aware that if you don’t feel you can adequately protect her you are likely to feel unworthy of an emotional connection with her. You may get angry or withdraw when she ask to for closeness. Do not give in to feeling unworthy! Women need men to care about them and get into their emotional world.
-If she feels disregarded, pay more attention to her.
-If she feels accused, reassure her.
-If she feels guilty, help her feel better.
-If she feels rejected, accept her.
-If she feels powerless, try to empower her.
-If she feels inadequate, help her to appreciate her competence.
Hugs are good, too.
FROM:
HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT IT, by Patricia Love, Ed.D and Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
To learn more about this topic, buy a copy of this fantastic book or visit your local library.
